Almost a year after creating this blog, honestly I had completely forgotten about it! Wordpress is right on course with every other blog I’ve ever tried to maintain… Except for TeenOpenDiary (Not even sure if that site exists anymore). That was my first online journal and it lasted way too long! A few years later at a new school, with new friends, I maintained a LiveJournal for quite a long time and that was pretty much a repeat of the whole T.O.D experience! Oh, and who (in my expansive yet alienating circle of acquaintances) can forget Elowel!? That was a neat experience; journaling on a site created and moderated by a couple of cool nerds (btw, ‘nerd’ is a rather affectionate term for me, not meant to be rude) with whom I went to school from grade K-10 but was neither cool nor nerdy enough to actually befriend. Good times… Actually, awkward times… And even more awkward still.
Alas, here I am again attempting to start a blog that is more than just my self-involved and/or radical ranting. This time, I’ve promised myself I will not use it as an outlet for my bitching and moaning. I sincerely hope to touch on some real-world topics that are constantly on my mind. I’m sick of all of these pesky thoughts bouncing around in my brain without an exit into the universe. Things like Animal Rights, Human Rights, Religion, Science, Chaos, Liberal Politics, Sociology, Feminism, LGBTQ issues and of course tons of other random crap. Also hoping that journaling will help hold me accountable for and battle against my severe cognitive dissonance!
How bad is my case of Cognitive Dissonance? Let’s just say that the very nature of that beast won’t allow me to even comprehend the degree to which my fickle ways deceive me. I’m beginning to ascribe my contradictory ways to my (self-diagnosed/presumed) Autism Spectrum Disorder or Asperger’s Syndrome. Sometimes it honestly seems as if I’m incapable of verbally expressing my true opinions. Words just don’t seem to fall out of my mouth the way they were intended, they often aren’t intended at all; most of the time I feel I have absolutely no control of what comes out of there. Verbal diarrhea aside, my cognitive dissonance keeps me from doing everything i want to do! Seems I’ve learned from the master how to rationalize bad decisions and procrastination.
Luckily Dissonance can potentially be an ally. There’s the Ben Franklin Theory which, basically predicts that once you have done a favor for a person, you will then be more likely to do them another favor than if they had first done something for you. I kinda figured that reasoning out long before I’d ever heard of Cognitive Dissonance or wise old Ben’s theory. Never wanting to cause anyone harm, I usually make a point to treat people with courtesy regardless of how they treat me. More or less, I used to always take the ’more flies with honey’ approach… Quite a flawed saying if you think about it. Who actually WANTS flies? What was the point of bringing this up? I don’t even know… Do nice things for people (even if you don’t like them) and you will grow to have a more positive attitude toward them. I try to apply this approach to everything in life: prickly people, mundane chores, work. Yes, I TRY to apply this theory… But that fucking cognitive dissonance gets me every time. Will I ever be able to practically apply my beliefs to my life?!